Q: I recently noticed my 14-year-old’s best friend has started smelling like marijuana. How can I discuss substance use with my teen without them shutting me out?
A: Bringing this up with your teen is so important. Keep in mind that your goal is to keep your child wanting to talk with you as these issues come up rather than shutting you out or lying. The tone of the discussion matters. “Be curious, not furious” is a good approach. Starting with calm curiosity is more likely to keep the discussion open and honest than if you immediately speak from a place of fear which often comes out as anger. It sounds simple, but I advise starting with a neutral “I’ve noticed a smell of marijuana around your friend. What’s up with that?” and then really pausing to hear what your child has to say. Whether your child admits or denies that the friend has been using marijuana, it is appropriate to say what your concerns are in a nonaccusatory way. Something like, “Well if you were experimenting with marijuana, my concerns are ___.” Personally, I would emphasize that early use of marijuana has been associated with an increased risk of psychosis, that regular use can exacerbate anxiety and depression, and risky behaviors can happen with altered decision-making when people are under the influence. Let your child know that THC content in marijuana can vary widely, plus there is a risk of contamination with other substances, which can be quite dangerous. Lastly, emphasize to your child that your biggest concern is always their safety and you would always want them to call you if in a situation that felt unsafe for any reason.
Clotilde Johnson-Beale, M.D., is a general pediatrician practicing at Metropolitan Pediatrics in Gresham. She completed her medical training at UC Davis and OHSU Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. She enjoys spending time with her spouse, her two daughters, two dogs and two cats.